What is Your Story?

As a young girl all I ever wanted to be was a mommy.  I took care of my brother and sister since I was very young.  Our father had died and our mother worked all the time, so it was up to me to be “Little Momma” as my brother called me.

As I grew up, I babysat many, many children.  I earned a degree in Child Development and became a preschool teacher.

I fell in love and married my husband.  I was sure now all my dreams of becoming a mommy were so close. I watched and was happy (and truthfully a little jealous) as my sister and my friends had babies.  When is it my turn?  I asked God constantly to please bless me with a baby.  I bargained with Him.  I will be the best mommy if you just grant me this wish.   Still nothing.

My husband and I had been married for six years.  I filled those six years with taking care of friend’s children and teaching preschool, but still I longed to be someone’s Mommy.  Then God blessed us with a little girl.  She didn’t come the way I thought she would, but never the less, she was ours.  We bonded so quickly, that I knew God had sent this child just for me.   

My dream of being a mommy had come true.  God has truly given me the desires of my heart.  Since then, He has blessed us with two sons, two more daughters and two granddaughters.  I may have had to wait longer than I wanted, but God’s timing is always right.  My heart is full!

Trust in God.  Draw near to Him and He will bless you abundantly.

Prayer: Thank you Father God for knowing what we need.  Thank you for sending your blessings at just the right time that we need them.  In Jesus name, Amen.

Scripture: Delight yourself also in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart.  Psalm 37:4

I have been silent these last five years because in many ways I lost focus for a time. Circumstances beyond my control carved deep wounds through my heart, causing me to doubt my faith and darken my vision. Even now I am still in recovery. I may never fully heal from that time… at least not until I walk into eternity. That’s the empath talking.

As fragile beings traveling through this life, I am sure most of you can relate to similar times in your own life. And, how do we cope in these valleys? Many don’t. In my personal experience, I can’t say that I fair much better in coping. I lost a lot of myself during that time. I only hope that moving forward I will continue to allow God to thoughtfully and carefully create a new spirit within me.

For  those who know me well, they understand I am a listener and an empath. While those two qualities are wonderful gifts given by a loving Father to help love those around me, unless I maintain communion with God these gifts can be overwhelming and many times painful. Just yesterday at work I was given an opportunity to show grace and love to an angry individual. The interactions were difficult at best, but as I strived to listen and demonstrate concern, the situation began to diffuse somewhat. I believe I made progress in this individual’s perceptions, but it came at a price. For the rest of my day, I was jittery, unsettled and my head pounded. As I reflect on this, I realize I neglected to care for myself. I did not pray before engaging in this situation, and it cost me.

Lesson learned…again.

Does this mean that sharing my gifts in this way is too costly and that I should protect myself? On the contrary. It’s only by being vulnerable that I can grow, and potentially make a difference in someone else’s life. Vulnerability expects courage to come alongside, and I have been a bit short on that count for a while. Being a listener and an empath is who I am. To squash these gifts would be to deny not only myself but the God who gave them.

Every believer has received grace gifts, so use them to serve one another as faithful stewards of the many-colored tapestry of God’s grace.
1 Peter 4, 10 (TPT)

God gives gifts for a reason. Under his watchful eye and his powerful guiding hand, only then can my gifts truly flourish and give hope to myself and others. Take a deep breath…the journey is only beginning.

Vulnerability…Courage…Grace…And Beyond.

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